hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
