Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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