I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
