I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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