I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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