he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
