She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
