I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
