also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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