you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
