Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
