I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
