My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
