So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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