I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
