if i died would you start the facebook group?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
