it hurts more in the daytime
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
