Pants 0. Shit 1.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
