I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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