i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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