the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
