If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
