3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
