Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my liver is dry heaving
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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