u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He passed out mid-signature
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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