Cold hands, warm shart.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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