She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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