I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
