Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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