I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
