omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
home. puking in laundry basket.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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