.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
