hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
