I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
