bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
