From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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