...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
