never play flip cup with pint glasses
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
