Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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