then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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