You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
