the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
