If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
