I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
