These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
