I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
