Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
