you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
