worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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