Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
