I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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