Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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