I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
