thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
